Synthesizers and sincerity
I spy young Danielle, circa 1999 (second from the left), enjoying one of the best moments of her life up to that point. Kudos to my momma and her organizational skills for finding this picture is less than four minutes when I asked if she had it somewhere.
If you glanced at my Spotify recently-played list, you would see that our family has almost exclusively been listening to James Taylor (whose music, in my mind, is synonymous with summertime), the Beatles (the kids request them every day and ask for “just the jamming songs”), and 90s Contemporary Christian Music.
My 90s CCM kick started a few weeks ago while I was folding laundry. Out of nowhere, a thought zipped through my wandering mind (as often happens when I’m folding laundry), “I wonder if the Point of Grace albums are streaming.” Do you remember Point of Grace?!
A quick search later, I was listening to the guitar riff at the beginning of “Keep the Candle Burning,” and suddenly I was back in the sun-ripened raspberry (IYKYK) haze of 1996 again.
You guys, I’m not sure in what part of my brain I have been storing this information for nearly 30 years, but I remembered every single word to every single song on that album. And I was crying so steadily while I was listening I could barely sing along for more than a bar or two at a time and had to use one of the hand towels I had just folded to control the mascara run-off.
And I am not lying when I tell you that through nearly every CCM song I have listened to since, I have giggled at the cheesy, synthesizer-heavy tracks while at the same time tears have streamed down my face and I have barely been able to choke out the lyrics. I’m sure I’m quite the sight.
I was raised in the Church, and this music was the soundtrack of my childhood. We definitely weren’t a family who listened exclusively to Christian music, but those CDs (and some albums I distinctly remember having on cassette tape) were our go-to in the car and often featured on a Sunday morning church alongside selections from the Baptist Hymnal. I mean, who among us was not moved by a Sunday morning rendition of Amy Grant or Michael W. Smith or—if you were really lucky—Sandi Patty from the choir’s best soloists during the Special Music?
With all my little girl heart, I belted lyrics like…
“And step by step you’ll lead me, and I will follow you all of my days,”
or “Sometimes he calms the storm, and other times he calms his child,”
or “Take your candle, and go light your world,”
or “Nothing will I fear as long as you are near. Please be near me to the end,”
or “Hold me, Jesus, ‘cause I’m shaking like a leaf. You have been King of my glory. Won’t you be my Prince of Peace?” (Yes, Rich Mullins gets two mentions.)
…without truly being able to grasp what I was singing.
At that young age, I could not have understood the struggle and the glory of “following [God] all my days.” But I meant it with all the purity and sincerity of a child’s heart. And even though I chuckle at the thought of confessing at the top of my lungs that “the anchor holds in spite of the storm” at the ripe old age of five, I really do believe that God, who numbers and holds all my days, received it without the least hint of scorn and with such a delight in my young heart.
The emotions I’ve experienced while getting re-acquainted with these songs are more than mere nostalgia. They are an overflow of the awe of catching a momentary bird’s eye view of God’s faithfulness to me throughout my life. Even when my words far outpaced my understanding of him, he grafted me into the kingdom of his beloved Son in whom we have redemption. And that is a comfort, because I sincerely hope that my current understanding of who he is will pale in comparison to the riches I will discover in him year by year as he becomes more and more truly my Treasure.
A note:
These reflections are not in praise of the Christian music industry, now or then, but rather in God’s faithfulness to me. One story after another in the past few years have revealed that the Christian music industry is just as capable of chewing artists up and spitting them out as its secular counterpart, with practices that looks more like the ways of the world than the way of Jesus. AND at the same time, I remain thankful for the fruit the Spirit continues to bear through these artists and their songs.